Going to her parents before proposing, tips?
February 18, 2012 by admin
Filed under Parenting FAQ
Okay, my situation is a little different. My g/f and i began dating in August 2008. By December we were talking about “when” we get married, by January we had set a wedding date for “when” we get engaged. At the beginning of March we realized that if we already have a wedding date how can we not be engaged? So between the two of us we became privately engaged. I went to her parents to get their blessing at the end of March, they asked me to wait until August. The two of us have waited patiently with our “private” engagement. We desperately want to make our engagement public. The two of us are worried that when I got back to her parents that we will be asked to wait again, however we do not want to wait any longer. We want to know how to go about having the discussion with them without giving them the option to say no. Last time I didn’t ask and they still asked me to wait. The two of us are 22, she still lives at home because she has a lot of student loans. I live with my grandparents because I am still in college. We do not plan to get married for a couple of years, but we are tired of lying to people about our relationship. We also think her parents are not ready to let go of her. Any tips would be appreciated.
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She has debt and you’re not out of college, which means you soon will have debt too. Her parents are right, you should wait. Combining two mountains of debt into one huge one is not a smart move, especially since you’ll be considered one tax entity as a couple and whatever she can’t/doesn’t pay will reflect badly on your credit history.
Just ask and if her parents say no, explain to them that you want to wait to get married but that you are ready to get engaged. If they are not willing to try to understand, just get engaged anyway. Some parents you just have to disobey sometimes.
Wait to get married when you are completely stable. It will be a lot easier!
Well, what happens if they do say “no,” or “wait” again? Will you guys call off your plans, or are you determined to go forward with the wedding?
If it’s the latter, then I think you forget asking for their blessing. Instead, tell them that while you hope you have their approval, this is the plan and this is when it’s going to happen. It’s not like they don’t know your intentions at this point, so if they have a problem, you don’t need to avoid their refusal so much as to know what the real issue is. She just needs to be prepared to survive independently if they don’t take the decision well.
Making this short and simple. It’s YOUR life, not her parents. When you really think about it, you can still go about getting married WITHOUT her parents blessing, it’s just more polite to ask them. If you want to make it public, then do so. Proprose to her RIGHT in front of her parents. You are still waiting till the required time to get married, the time that her parents wanted at the leaste. Who’s to say you both can’t proudly walk around with rings on your fingers to show you love respect, and friendship towards your partner? You need to do what you heart is saying. In the end, it’s yours and hers desision as to what you want to do. Her parents need to learn to let go, and proprosing now and wearing the rings may make it easier for them to KNOW that it WILL happen, then need to grow on it. Hope I helped. Probably not much, I’m only fiftten:)